Naomi Scher
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, including life in a shared home. Disagreements don’t have to turn personal or escalate, though—and they can even be opportunities for growth. This article provides tips and resources for resolving conflict when it arises.
In this article:
- Tips for communicating during a roommate disagreement
- What if my roommate and I can’t resolve our conflict?
- What if I no longer want to live with my roommate?
Tips for communicating during a roommate disagreement
There are many effective methods of conflict resolution, and it might take some trial and error to determine what is best for you and your roommate. Some of our pro tips:
- Prevention is the best medicine. Stop conflict before it starts by employing strategies for preventing conflict in your shared home.
- Refer to your Nest Easy Homesharing Agreement or lease. It might cover how to handle the conflict you’re experiencing.
- Make time for open and respectful discussion. If there’s conflict brewing, schedule some dedicated time to talk about the issue rather than leaving it to chance or passing conversation.
- Remember that in a sense, the two of you are on the same team. You share the goal of resolving the conflict and moving on with your life. Focus on attacking the issue, not the other person.
- Use “I” statements. Voice how you feel and how the situation impacts you rather than making accusatory statements.
- Avoid blanket statements like “You always ____” and “You’re never ____”. These can put the other person on the defensive, and they most likely aren’t true. Most of us aren’t always or never anything. For example:
- Instead of, “You never lock the front door when you come home at night.”, say something like, “It’s concerning to me when I come downstairs in the morning and the front door is unlocked. It makes me feel unsafe.”
- Instead of, “You always leave the kitchen messy.”, say something like “I feel overwhelmed when the kitchen is messy.”
What if my roommate and I can’t resolve our conflict?
Some conflicts might be too slippery to handle on your own. If you and your housemate have a disagreement/issue you can’t seem to resolve, you may want to consider contacting a mediator. A mediator is a trained conflict resolution professional who can help you come up with a solution that works for everyone. Email help@HomeShareOnline.org for more information about our mediation partners.
What if I no longer want to live with my roommate?
If you want to end your homesharing relationship, the first step is to refer to whatever paperwork you and your roommate have in place.
- If you have a Nest Easy Homesharing Agreement™, either of you can end the homesharing arrangement with 30 days’ written notice. Learn more about Nest Easy Homesharing Agreements.
- If you have a lease, refer to the termination clauses it outlines. Lease cancellation terms and requirements can vary by state and/or municipality.
- If you don’t have any paperwork in place, determine a mutually agreed-upon time for move-out and security deposit return and put it, as well as any other pertinent move-out information, in writing. That way, you and your housemate have a document to reference if more questions arise.
Limitations and disclaimers
HomeShare Online is not a party to any lease or other agreement between hosts and homeseekers. This is true even if our site, app and/or services allow you to download and use our Nest Easy Homesharing Agreement or a sample lease agreement for a roommate property.
If you choose to enter into a lease, you are responsible for ensuring your lease complies with all applicable laws for the location of the property. HomeShare Online does not provide legal advice and recommends that all parties review any lease or homesharing agreement with their personal legal advisor.
🧠 Related articles
Preventing Conflict in a Shared Home | Communicating Effectively with Your Housemate
House Rules FAQ | About the Nest Easy Homesharing Agreement